


The Whole Enchilada

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:44:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1226794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wade is an actual Mexican food pro. Peter is impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whole Enchilada

When Wade said they should get a taco together sometime and Peter flippantly agreed, he expected Wade to ambush him one day and drag him to the closest Taco Bell. What he didn’t expect was Wade breaking into his apartment when he was out and turning his kitchen into a crime scene.

“What the fuck, Wade?!”

“I broke in.”

“Yeah, no shit? My question stands.”

“Our date!” exclaimed Wade like it was obvious, waving the spoon around and hitting Peter in the face with sauce.

Peter groaned with disgust and wiped himself. He wanted to remind Wade it wasn’t a date, but Deadpool had the tendency to ignore any voice of reason – be it coming from Peter or a SWAT team – so he kept quiet. He also wanted to ask how “getting a taco together sometimes” turned into breaking and entering but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to follow Wade’s train of thoughts anyway.

“I thought we would go out,” was what he settled for, but seeing Wade’s horrified expression, he quickly added, “or take out, whatever.”

“Are you suggesting I would commit such an atrocity? You cut me deep, Spidey.”

Peter sighed. He still waited for the day Wade would actually start to make sense whenever he opened his mouth. Wade huffed in offence and got back to cooking, or whatever he was doing, so Peter took a deep breath; he wouldn’t want to sound as annoyed as he really was when Wade was holding a knife.

“What are you even talking about?” he asked evenly.

Wade raised the knife in a way that reminded Peter of one of his professors who like to hold her finger up when she was being a smart-ass. Imagining Wade as a sixty year old lady with glasses slightly improved Peter’s mood.

“Let me make this clear for you. A taco, my dear bootypool, is the epitome of the Mexican soul. A national treasure, God’s gift, the greasy elixir of life, the source of knowledge and power.”

Peter blinked slowly. “Bootypool?”

“It’s a [quote](http://merycula.tumblr.com/post/77519723059)*, I can’t change anything,” explained Wade with a flip of his hand. “Anyway, the point is, I’m gonna make you a  _real_  taco, not that Taco Bell shit they’ve been feeding the good people of this country. I bet it’s the Jews’ fault. It’s always the Jews, man.”

“I’m Jewish,” said Peter with an eyebrow raised in half-amusements, half-confusion that usually ensued whenever he talked to Wade.

“Seriously? Does this mean May’s Jewish too? I heard you’re not Jewish if only your father’s Jewish.”

“May’s my aunt.”

“You’re not answering the question, Petey! You’re confusing me when I’m seriously considering reevaluating my entire life and righteous patriotic prejudices for May!”

“You’re Canadian, Wade. Stop watching South Park. Forever.”

“But it’s funny.”

“It stops you from getting laid. Trust me, I know.”

“ _I_  stop me from getting laid.”

Peter threw his hands in the air dramatically with a mute cry of anguish and Wade chuckled. It wasn’t like Wade’s usual overbearing and obnoxious cackle; it was soft and genuinely amused. It made Peter smile involuntarily. He walked closer to Wade to look over his shoulder and asked to acquaint him with the arcana of Mexican cuisine and cast light on the apparent lie he’d been living all his life.

Wade visibly brightened up and started explaining everything excitedly. Peter was actually impressed with how knowledgeable Wade was in the matter. It seemed like a trivial thing, to know a lot about food of all things, but there was supposedly no such thing as useless knowledge. And as soon as Peter tasted Wade’s taco, he decided there was  _definitely_  no such thing. He moaned as he swallowed the first bite.

“Oh God, I could literally marry you right now,” he rasped. “This is my new religion. How did you even do that?!”

“You just have low standards,” said Wade with a smug smile. “I always said Taco Bell should be sued but did anyone listen to me? No. Matt Murdock told me to he would sooner be Punisher’s defender than take my case.”

“Murdock is  _blind!_ ” Peter mumbled around the mouthful of taco and swallowed abruptly as Wade burst into laughter. “Shit, that came out wrong.”

“Oh momma, this is priceless,” wheezed Wade, wiping his tears.

They ate in comfortable atmosphere Peter wouldn’t except to be possible around Deadpool. Wade mostly talked because Peter actually let him; it was interesting to listen about Wade’s first visit to Mexico that apparently opened his eyes. What was more terrifying was listening about Wade’s quest to find all the restaurants that served proper tacos and killing off all false advertisers, because he couldn’t be sure whether Wade was joking or not. He was definitely coloring his stories; there was no way he actually got the recipe for that taco he’d just made from a shaman after completing three deadly trials, was there?

“Not that I remember, but I think that’s how orgasm feels,” said Peter, sighing contentedly after swallowing the last bite.

“Tasty enough to earn me a blowjob?” teased Wade to which Peter offered only a deadpan look. “No? Alright. A kiss then? A pat on the back?”

“I’m willing to call it a date.”

“But are you willing to go on another?”

“If you’re cooking.”

Wade grinned widely and Peter snorted. Really, it was ridiculous how easily pleased Wade was; it was actually kind of cute.

“Well, I should get going,” said Wade suddenly, raising to his feet. “Siesta is a very intimate time. A time you have to spend alone. Away from people.”

“Is this your way of saying your farts would kill me if you stayed?”

Wade pouted. “Yes.”

Peter chuckled and Wade saluted him before casually jumping out of the window like a cat. Show off, Peter thought, but then he heard a broken, pathetic whine and he felt much better.


End file.
